It’s been a long time since we sat down to talk. The last time I came here, I was in training at a new job in public safety, living in a little apartment above an out-of-business pizza place. I was still in my early twenties (barely), I was still single (very), and I was still notably more reserved and conservative than I am today (no, really, it’s true). What a wild ride the past few years have been.
I opened up a notebook many times since then, thinking I should get back to writing. I even flat out told people I would be posting something on a few occasions. But each time I started, I didn’t know how to get around the big shift in my stance on a lot of social issues, including some I’ve written about before. How was I going to come back and say anything, about anything, while I still had blog posts up that sound like victim blaming to the person I am today?
It doesn’t seem right to take them down, because I did mean what I said when I wrote them. So, here I am, telling you now, that I still have a strong urge to teach kids to do as the cops tell them and to have a “healthy fear” of men, out of self-preservation… And more than a little self-blame, for some bad situations I placed myself in. I still want every teenage girl I meet to be so, so careful who she trusts, but I also want to stop putting the responsibility for the assault of women on women. And I think we should acknowledge the disparity in how we treat white men who aren’t doing what we want, as compared to how we treat black men who aren’t doing what we want.
This is a very brief, barely adequate, surface-skimming post just to say, I was wrong. If any of my early writing seems tone-deaf, or at odds with what’s to come, that’s because it is. I hope you’ll wait around just a little longer to see what I have to say these days. Thanks for sticking by me through what has been an incredibly transformative time in my life.
Talk to you soon.